Narcissistic Personality Disorder
People are becoming more aware of this condition, which is a personality disorder that affects an estimated 20% of the population to some degree. This ranges from unintentional due to lack of empathy to psychopathy where the empathy part of the brain is undeveloped. It is important to know right off that narcissism is not a condition that can be addressed with any known medical or psychological therapy at this time.
Why is this relevant?
Because people being abused by narcissists tend to cling to a false hope that if they sort all the person's issues, show more love, go the extra mile, that that narcissistic loved one will be whole and recognise how much they love them. Sadly, all this does, is enables and encourages the narcissist.
That isn't to say we can't all be narcissistic at times. We are all capable. It is when this is the default behaviour and harms others by draining their spiritual, mental, emotional, financial and physical well being that it is a problem. The narcissist takes and takes until the victim is completely drained.
Think of it like a vampire.
The vampire is so charming and the victim falls for them, then the vampire comes along and takes until the beguiled victim is lifeless. To complicate it more, there are different types of narcissist and they can fool even seasoned mental health professionals.
The vampire will allow the victim to recover just enough to then take again and again. This is life with a narcissist.
Most people who have not gone through this cannot understand it.
They wonder how you can allow a person to do this to you? This hurts the victim more and makes them question their self worth. The truth is, the vampire does not show their true self and uses many manipulative techniques to get the victim emotionally committed to them, or in other words, addicted. The term used is codependent.
Being an emotional bond, the rational mind is called upon to make excuses for the narcissist instead of looking objectively. That is why many people do not understand the damage narcissistic abuse causes. Remember, to most people, it is beyond understanding that a person, like them, would behave the way a narcissist behaves, especially when beforehand they seemed so wonderful.
These victims (there will be many, even at the same time) are referred to as "narcissistic supply". Like vampires, Narcissists are continually looking for supply because they know that their victims may just stop buying into their sick game.
Getting Help from Narcissistic Abuse
Firstly, are you with a narcissist and how would you know?
Your friends and family will likely not help you when you ask about the situation. Why? Most likely you have sought advice with no clear answer.
Why is this?
Well, we are social creatures and, in the end, most people want to avoid blame, confrontation, controversy in case it comes back on them.
That is why counselling can help get your clarity and centre back. If you are unsure, counselling can help get clarity of where you are now.
There are many excellent articles on the web about identifying narcissism and I particularly like Dr Les Carter's work.
I will give you my own perspective:
- Were you reasonably happy and cheerful before you had the relationship?
- Did the relationship start like you met that ideal person?
- Did the person change and start to have "issues" or accuse you of having "issues" after a while?
- Are you now tired, always on your back heals or defensive, feeling drained from always giving?
- Are you growing, happy and thriving now?
- Are you always questioning yourself?
- If you question them, they turn the it onto you and you are the bad guy?
It's not mean to be an exhaustive list. Regardless of the label, an unhealthy relationship will leave you feeling drained confused, low self worth and drained either spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially and physically. If you are not both thriving and helping each other over the long term you may need help.
Not any one thing says the person you are dealing with is a narcissist but the fact that you need to ask is significant in itself. Only a registered psychologist or psychiatrist can legally diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder but narcissists don't offer themselves up for scrutiny by these professionals often.
Imagine you are in a war zone. You are constantly on alert when it's quiet and then when the bullets fly you are constantly on your back heals struggling to deal with well targeted attacks. This constant alertness, fending off attacks and using up your resources leaves your mindset out of balance. It is exactly like this dealing with a narcissist and can lead to a form of PTSD called Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome. This can lead to mental and chronic physical problems and the sooner dealt with the better for your health and wellbeing.
How Specifically Can I Help
A friend of mine asked someone for directions and he looked puzzled and said, "well I wouldn't start here". Yes, you may have gone off the path and life is not what you want or expect. Now is always the best time to get back on that path, then find your way to where you want to be.
Firstly, I have been there, I know what it's like. Don't ignore your gut feeling. If you feel you have a problem then do get some form of professional help. If you cannot afford this service please see your GP and get counselling. I know professional help costs but the cost of not doing so is far greater.
Second. The bond with the narcissist is emotionally and this is the area that needs addressed. Addressing this rationally or with will power is hard work. This is why Mental and Emotional Release® therapy is so powerful.
- My first initial talk is free. Nominally it is 30-45 minutes and it helps explore the issue and suggest a way forward.
- We will dive into your personal history with a personal breakthrough session lasting from 6 to 12 hours.
- Intervention with Mental and Emotional Release Therapy®, other NLP and Counselling techniques.
- Set your goals and then follow up with tools to keep focus and take action.
- Learn about boundaries and how to enforce them.
The great thing is this takes a few half days of work and not months or years, meaning you can get on with your life much sooner.
My methods work and I am committed to helping you. If after the breakthrough and intervention you don't have the results you wanted I will refund your fees 100%. Unlike the NHS, this is a private service and I have to charge. However, the value is that you will move on with your life quickly, easily and effortlessly. Help is a call away.